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Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

cog1374

Member
Member
One night , after the couple had retired for

the night, the woman became aware that her husband

was touching her in a most unusual manner. He

started by running his hand across her shoulders and


the small of her back. He ran his hand over her


breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he


proceeded to run his hand gently down her side,

sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the


other side to a point below her waist. He continued


on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the

the other. His hand ran further down the outside of

her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the


inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned

to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused


and she squirmed to a little to better position

herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to


his side of the bed.


" Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, " I found the remote!"

:))
 
5

56taskforce

Guest
Guest
  :))
Anymore I have come to realize I am really into  S&M she sleeps and I masturbate  :))
 

cog1374

Member
Member
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked on the door. A young boy, about 9 opened the door. The man asked, "Is your mom or dad home?"
The boy says, "No, they went to town."
Man - "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
Boy - "No, he went to town with mom and dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other mumbling to himself when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant."

The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I don't have any idea how much he charges for Howard."

:))
 

cog1374

Member
Member
I couldn't believe it! Yesterday when I came home I was told by my wife that my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school...


:)
 

cog1374

Member
Member
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
 

ONOBob

Member
Member
Jerry_Layman_NE said:
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

These are funny..... thanks for sharing......
 
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